Can you introduce yourself to the readers? 

Hi, I am Kanika Johri. I am a social worker, motivational speaker, and stroke survivor. 

What motivated you to share your story?

When I got paralysis, I got to know that someone in my family also had the same medical condition and used to get fits. Their parents kept it hidden from others. But, if this would have been shared, I would have taken precautions timely. With this, I realised that someone needs to share their experiences to help others. Many of my school and college classmates, also shared that they related to my story and shared of having suffered from depression and having suicidal thoughts. I never had a listening ear during my hard times, but I wanted to share my story to bring hope to someone’s life.

What instances in your life led you to have thoughts of suicide? 

In 2013, at the age of 20, I had a massive paralytic stroke. The left part of my body was completely paralyzed. In a flash, my whole life changed. Doctors told my parents, “Your daughter will hardly survive six months.” My father almost left his work just to help my mother look after me, determined to snatch me out of the jaws of death. 

When I was paralyzed, I was not conscious of my state for the initial six months. People started telling my parents that I shouldn’t have survived. It’s better to die than to live such a life. I can remember one of my family members saying,“dahej ikatha karna shuru kardo, aesi ladki se shaadi kon karega” (start collecting dowry, who will marry her now). That was the time, I used to pray to god to let me stand so I could attempt suicide. It was a very difficult phase for me. If I look at it now, I think this was God's plan to not let me move at all because if that had happened, I would not have survived. 

I also remember once I had gone to meet someone, it was a family of doctors and I had just started walking. They asked if I knew how to cook and if not, and that I should learn something to be likeable about me for marriage. When I was on my way back home, I was constantly thinking of attempting suicide. Somehow, I had trained my mind to not give up as I realised I had a purpose in life to fulfil. There was no chance of me surviving but I did. There must be a reason for that. At this point, I also got a direction in life to work toward the betterment of society. 

What were the helpful things or people that helped you through this time?

Honestly, my parents were the only ones who helped me through this time to some extent. Many things helped, like gardening. I remember I watched a flower bloom in front of me, it made me realise that everything in life takes its own time. One person I would like to mention is my surgeon. He gave me a lot of hope. Before my surgery was about to happen, I asked my doctor to do the surgery in a way so there were no marks on my body. He replied that the stitches will leave their marks and I wouldn’t recommend using any creams for that as they don’t work. He instead encouraged me to embrace them as these are my marks of bravery, to flaunt them as much as I can. I am also deeply grateful to Mr Prem Prakash, ex ADG, Prayagraj who held my hand like a guardian and took me out of my state of worthless feeling to serve society and create a meaningful life. 

How are you doing today? 

I have been doing well. I have accepted myself the way I am. I want to help more people who don’t have the resources as much as I do. It’s been eleven years, and I’m 85% recovered and a fully motivated, confident, and strong woman. I live as if every moment is my last.

Do you have any message for the listeners?

There is one statement, “either a glass is half full or half empty”. For me, the glass is always half full. I wish everyone to feel blessed and grateful for the things they have been given. Try to help the one who is in need and support them. It's okay to be sad, it's okay to cry out loud, but it's never ok to give up. Today or tomorrow you will realise that God chose you for a reason. Failure is not an option. You fall, you get up, you fall again and you get up again. This keeps on going. This is life, and that makes you stronger, so never give up.