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Thoughful ways to support someone who has lost a loved one to suicide.
Understand grief
Acknowledge their loss
Let them grieve
Focus on listening
Offer practical support
Help them seek additional support
Look for signs of suicide
Help them connect to a peer support group
Share positive memories and stories
Be sensitive when ditening the death with others
Look after yourself
Grief is a natural emotional response to the loss of someone one had a close relationship with. People who are grieving usually experience a range of emotional and physical feelings. They may experience many ups and downs during the grieving process. It is helpful to learn more about grief to better understand the experience of the person who has lost a loved one due to suicide.
Not contacting someone after their bereavement can often make them feel worse. Reaching out and letting them know that you’re there if they need any support can be very helpful. Ask them if they would like to talk or simply want some company. It is also important to understand that people grieve in different ways, and some might prefer to maintain a distance for a while instead. It is best to give them space if they ask for it, and check in regularly.
Examples of what not to say to the person who is grieving
There is no ‘right' way to grieve. It is helpful to allow the person to express their emotions, at their own pace. Grief does not have a time frame and they might experience waves of sorrow and pain even after months of their loss. Continue to check-in and let them know you are there for them.
Listening is the most important thing you can offer to the person who is grieving. Try to focus on the person and respect what they choose to share with you rather than trying to find out more. Avoid speculating about why the suicide happened, as that could make them feel worse.
The person who is grieving might not know what they need or find it difficult to ask for support. Rather than saying, “let me know how I can help”, ask specific questions such as:
It is okay to need some support through grief and there is no reason that the person should have to go it alone. You could help the person seek additional support, if they are interested. You could mention services listed in the help sheet, and encourage them to connect with one of these services. You could also book an appointment on their behalf (if they consent) or even accompany them in their first meeting if you can.
Sometimes someone who has experienced a loss by suicide may experience suicidal thoughts themselves. It is important to look out for signs of suicide and encourage them to seek professional help.
Peer support groups offer a safe space to openly share thoughts and feelings and learn tips for coping better. It could be helpful to connect the person with people who understand the experience of suicide loss.
You might feel uncomfortable talking about the person who died or fear that it might bring up painful feelings. But many people who are bereaved find it comforting to talk about the memories and share stories of the person who has died. After some time has passed, you could share positive memories of the deceased person.
Respect what details of death the family members choose to disclose with others. When referring to suicide, use sensitive and non-stigmatizing language. Use words like “died by suicide” or “took their life” rather than saying “committed suicide”. Avoid passing judgments about the person who died.
Supporting and taking care of someone who is grieving can be emotionally and physically stressful. So, it is important to ensure that you are taking care of yourself in order to offer support to someone. Make sure that you are eating regularly, sleeping well and doing things you find relaxing.
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